On "Becoming"
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A Journey of “Becoming”… That’s what I’m on.
This is the most hopeful and encouraging thought for me.
What does it mean to be on a journey of “becoming”? It
means a few things…
Firstly, it means the way I was a few years ago is not the
way I am today. For this, I truly thank God. I have grown
so much and developed so much as a person and as a
Christian because of a bunch of things that have
happened over the past several years. I’m far from
perfect now, but I used to be so much more judgmental,
critical and proud; I thought trying to make sure “justice”
was always done was a good thing! I was certainly not
afraid to point out things that were wrong (of course
with other people, and never me…), and the way in which
I went about that was often… less than flattering, in
retrospect. However, I clearly remember one cold January
night, alone in my dorm room, realizing how much my
character resembled something with which I didn’t want
to be associated. I lay there crying, frustrated because I
didn’t know how to fix myself, and then I heard God say,
“Jessica, be gentle. Just be gentle.”
I had never thought about the word ‘gentle’ before
really. I knew how to hold babies, and crack eggs so that
they broke neatly in half and no shell ended up in my
cookies, and walk down the stairs without making them
creak. But to be gentle in my manner with people… God
also introduced me to the word ‘gracious’ either on this
evening, or shortly thereafter. Yet another word that I
hadn’t really thought about before – it had something to
do with saying “thank you” instead of “yes, I know” when
someone paid me a complement, right? (Yes, I did that –
in my defense, I was only four…)
While I can’t walk through the details of the all the
circumstances (online… too public, and obviously this
involves more than just me…), I can honestly say that it
was only with the help of God and His demonstration of
grace and gentleness to me that I was able to make
significant strides forward. I can’t say I’ve mastered these
qualities because I still see room for improvement, but I
am so completely different now from who I was before.
Even aside from that one particular issue, God has been
growing me in so many other ways recently, too. I can’t
share everything now; some of it’s for sharing later, and
some of it’s just for me. However, I can say that when I
get really discouraged looking at myself now and seeing
all of my edges that are still rougher than I’d like them to
be, the most comforting thought in the world is to
remember the reality of what I was like only a few years
ago, and to know that God is not done working in me yet.
That is the second part of my journey of “becoming”.
Everything yet to be. I thank God I’m not done
developing as a person and refining my character. I also
thank God there is more to ‘life’ than just what I’m doing
and experiencing now. And I thank God that He is right
beside me guiding me to a better understanding of Him,
and what it means to live a life I’ve given to Him.
One of the most profound Bible verses that rings in my
ears over and over, especially when I am feeling
frustrated that I’m not “there yet” (i.e. finished growing,
finally a completely godly person who always makes the
right choices, etc., etc.) is Philippians 2:12, 13.
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not
only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—
continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to
his good purpose.
What do I like so much about this? Amongst other
things, the phrase “work out your salvation” is the
specific part that plays over and over in my mind. There
are few phrases in the Bible I’ve found that carry so much
hope. This means it’s okay for me not to be done. It’s
okay for me to still be learning what it means to truly
follow Christ. It’s okay to stop and think, “why do I really
believe ?” I don’t need to beat myself up for not being
“there yet”, because I’m still on that journey – that
journey of “becoming”. As I work out my salvation, and as
God teaches me new things and takes me new places, I
am changing… growing… Becoming.
What am I becoming? I don’t know exactly, and that is
what makes this adventure all the more exciting! I know I
am becoming more and more Christlike. And I know I am
becoming more and more like the person God designed
me to be. I know that the things I am actually doing in
my life are constantly coming more and more in line with
what He has called me to do. And beyond that, I don’t
know what I’m becoming. If I knew exactly everything
God had in store for the rest of my life now, that would
deprive me of the joy of discovering all that God has
planned, the thrill of seeing the miracle of how God was
preparing me for things before I even knew they existed,
and the awesome sense of potential that comes from
knowing Someone bigger than me is planning my life!
I have many more thoughts about this topic, but I
imagine they will trickle out in the next couple of months
as I find time here and there to actually write down all
the things I’m thinking about.
This is the most hopeful and encouraging thought for me.
What does it mean to be on a journey of “becoming”? It
means a few things…
Firstly, it means the way I was a few years ago is not the
way I am today. For this, I truly thank God. I have grown
so much and developed so much as a person and as a
Christian because of a bunch of things that have
happened over the past several years. I’m far from
perfect now, but I used to be so much more judgmental,
critical and proud; I thought trying to make sure “justice”
was always done was a good thing! I was certainly not
afraid to point out things that were wrong (of course
with other people, and never me…), and the way in which
I went about that was often… less than flattering, in
retrospect. However, I clearly remember one cold January
night, alone in my dorm room, realizing how much my
character resembled something with which I didn’t want
to be associated. I lay there crying, frustrated because I
didn’t know how to fix myself, and then I heard God say,
“Jessica, be gentle. Just be gentle.”
I had never thought about the word ‘gentle’ before
really. I knew how to hold babies, and crack eggs so that
they broke neatly in half and no shell ended up in my
cookies, and walk down the stairs without making them
creak. But to be gentle in my manner with people… God
also introduced me to the word ‘gracious’ either on this
evening, or shortly thereafter. Yet another word that I
hadn’t really thought about before – it had something to
do with saying “thank you” instead of “yes, I know” when
someone paid me a complement, right? (Yes, I did that –
in my defense, I was only four…)
While I can’t walk through the details of the all the
circumstances (online… too public, and obviously this
involves more than just me…), I can honestly say that it
was only with the help of God and His demonstration of
grace and gentleness to me that I was able to make
significant strides forward. I can’t say I’ve mastered these
qualities because I still see room for improvement, but I
am so completely different now from who I was before.
Even aside from that one particular issue, God has been
growing me in so many other ways recently, too. I can’t
share everything now; some of it’s for sharing later, and
some of it’s just for me. However, I can say that when I
get really discouraged looking at myself now and seeing
all of my edges that are still rougher than I’d like them to
be, the most comforting thought in the world is to
remember the reality of what I was like only a few years
ago, and to know that God is not done working in me yet.
That is the second part of my journey of “becoming”.
Everything yet to be. I thank God I’m not done
developing as a person and refining my character. I also
thank God there is more to ‘life’ than just what I’m doing
and experiencing now. And I thank God that He is right
beside me guiding me to a better understanding of Him,
and what it means to live a life I’ve given to Him.
One of the most profound Bible verses that rings in my
ears over and over, especially when I am feeling
frustrated that I’m not “there yet” (i.e. finished growing,
finally a completely godly person who always makes the
right choices, etc., etc.) is Philippians 2:12, 13.
Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not
only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—
continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to
his good purpose.
What do I like so much about this? Amongst other
things, the phrase “work out your salvation” is the
specific part that plays over and over in my mind. There
are few phrases in the Bible I’ve found that carry so much
hope. This means it’s okay for me not to be done. It’s
okay for me to still be learning what it means to truly
follow Christ. It’s okay to stop and think, “why do I really
believe ?” I don’t need to beat myself up for not being
“there yet”, because I’m still on that journey – that
journey of “becoming”. As I work out my salvation, and as
God teaches me new things and takes me new places, I
am changing… growing… Becoming.
What am I becoming? I don’t know exactly, and that is
what makes this adventure all the more exciting! I know I
am becoming more and more Christlike. And I know I am
becoming more and more like the person God designed
me to be. I know that the things I am actually doing in
my life are constantly coming more and more in line with
what He has called me to do. And beyond that, I don’t
know what I’m becoming. If I knew exactly everything
God had in store for the rest of my life now, that would
deprive me of the joy of discovering all that God has
planned, the thrill of seeing the miracle of how God was
preparing me for things before I even knew they existed,
and the awesome sense of potential that comes from
knowing Someone bigger than me is planning my life!
I have many more thoughts about this topic, but I
imagine they will trickle out in the next couple of months
as I find time here and there to actually write down all
the things I’m thinking about.